JANE AT TEN MONTHS.

 I cannot for the life of me get this girl to look at the camera and smile.  She's been teething and is moody right now. Ten months and this girl is a mover!  She crawls everywhere, stands everywhere and looks at me like she's unstoppable. She loves playing in her little kitchen we made for her and the boys.  Lots of baby babbling, squealing and her first tooth just came out today!  Her favorites: watermelon, sweet potatoes, avocado, black beans, bananas, Yes- fine, she eats anything I give her.  She still sleeps through the night and loves her one looooong snoozy nap in the afternoon.  Little miss has been demanding that we read five times a day by yelling and pointing at where we keep her books on the wall. She will do this every time we walk in and out of her room.  Throws a complete fit if we don't stop and read those darn books.

Life with Jane is full.  She's happy, healthy and sweet- I couldn't ask for anything more.  I wonder how we'd ever get along without her.  She's brought so much fun and happiness to our home.  I love my girl and her patience with me as we've had to figure out how to manage time with three babes.  She just sits and waits her turn and if I've forgotten her (it happens) she lets out a little yelp and a smile.  Tonight we put all the kids in the tub together- I think it's the very first time they've all bathed at once.  Jane was thrilled to be in the big tub, she usually gets the kitchen sink.  She went bananas in there with her brothers, so big and proud of herself.  The splashing and dancing did not end until I made her get out.  She loves her time with the boys and daddy.  Nobody can make her laugh the way that Griffin can.

At bed time we still sing our lullabies and rock.  The boys never really let me rock them for very long or cuddle them too much- but jane will sit with me, her head on my chest and hold my hand.  She'll look up at me every few minutes and point to the things around her room.  I could just rock there in the dark with her forever, there's nothing I love more.  Do not grow up my sweet, sweet girl.

When your husband has Meningitis…part two.

If I'm being honest, I haven't had the strength to write part two yet.  It is long overdue, I admit.  The emotional toll that this period of time has taken on our family is no small amount.  Thinking about my husband and how challenging this was and is, I land smack dab in yet another anxiety spell and then avoid the thing all together.  That's right, I sweep my issues under a rug.  Because facing them has been too scary and too lonely.  But I'm finally sleeping again.  I'm finally trying to take care of myself- something I forgot to do somewhere along the way.  Isn't it funny how moms and dads forget things like that?  It's a hard line to walk, taking care of yourself and everyone else too all the while being patient and loving.  It takes a lot of chocolate and a lot of yoga for me to stay present when I'm on my last leg. The job doesn't stop at the end of a long day or even on the weekends. Moms and dads…you truly are my heroes.

Part one can be read HERE…

As Chad and I drove home from the brain scan that evening, his doctor called with results.  There were no abnormalities.  He hadn't had a stroke and there was no tumor.   It was good news, the best possible scenario we could have hoped for really.  She told him to be at the hospital the next morning for a spinal tap test, where fluid would be drained- relieving some of the pressure from chad's head and giving us a sample to send to the lab for more testing.  I think I was numb from fear at this point and completely unaware of the range of emotions I was going through.  I had prepared myself to hear the words "cancer" or "brain tumor".  But we still didn't know what was wrong with Chad. That scared me more than anything.  The not knowing and the waiting helplessly.

That same evening I couldn't sleep.  I laid in bed awake while the rest of the house was quiet and asleep.  I began to shake.  My hands, arms, legs and face all started to tingle until finally they went numb and I felt like I was literally suffocating.  I hated myself for having a reaction like this when chad was the one that was sick.  Chad was the one who needed me and here I was falling apart.  Why couldn't I keep it together for my family who desperately needed me now?  I have always been far too hard on myself.  Chad knew I was having a panic attack and tried coaching me through it, but no amount of help could stop my fear from coming.  I'm pretty sure this is what we call a nervous break down.  And that's exactly how it felt. 

Thank you Danielle for driving in the middle of the night- to stay with my babies while I was falling apart.  I'll never forget your kindness and willingness to help us.

We got about three hours of sleep that night and chad drove himself to his procedure the next morning. He was on his back for the remainder of the day per doctors orders, although he felt surprisingly better having less pressure from his spinal fluid.  It was the best I had seen him since the night his symptoms began.  By the end of the day we had a diagnosis.  Viral Meningitis.  His spinal pressure levels had been severely elevated, there was way more fluid than normal.  No specific treatment was to be done but thankfully, Chad would recover on his own.  That was such wonderful news- that he would get through this.  That we all would.  Up until this point, I really didn't know if that would happen.

Due to the intense stress Chad was under while trying to finish up school and juggle his time at home, he wasn't able to properly fight off this infection to begin with.  It would take some time to work through his body before he felt completely healed.  He would need another spinal tap within the next week to help relieve more pressure.  His doctor gave us a time period of about six weeks until most symptoms would disappear, but that Chad would feel the lingering weakness and fatigue for the next year.  Now, he needed rest and lots of it.

While our families were both very kind and supportive of our situation, there was only so much they could do for us from so far away.  After my own episode, I realized I was going to need additional help if we were going to get Chad well- and if both of us were to finish our semesters of school.  With three weeks left before finals, I honestly did not know how it would all come together.  I was prepared to do what I could with my schooling and be okay with the rest. By some small miracle, Chad's mom was able to fly out to be with us for a whole week.  I don't remember much about that week she was here.  But I do remember feeling like she was our angel who helped pull us through the mess.  I finished my assigned work for Chemistry and took my final exam.  My grade did not suffer, and Chad was able to complete all of his end of semester tasks.  The MUSC faculty was very kind and sensitive to his situation as were his peers who helped to bring meals to us.

Thank you does not seem like enough to say to our family and friends who helped us through this time.  I dare say, it was one of the most intense and difficult experiences I have ever been through.  I will never forget how humbling it was to realize how much I needed help.  I could not do it alone no matter how much I willed myself.  There were many long days of caring for my sick husband and making sure he was where he needed to be, while juggling the needs of my two littles.  There were many tearful moments of worry and pure exhaustion.  I am so grateful chad was healed.  I know that we were watched over and protected through this time.  There were many angels sent to be with us.

What a blessing my family is to me.  I want my husband to know I love him.  I want him to know that I still choose him.  Even on our hardest days, I would do it all again- the exact same way.  I want my babies to know I would do anything for them, for their happiness.  I hope they learn about strength, love and kindness from watching their dad. He is the greatest example I could ever give to them.

Growing like Weeds & My Feelings on Mother's Day.

Griff is extremely proud of his yellow and orange birdhouse he and daddy made together.  Every morning at the breakfast table he asks, "any birds move in yet?"  The squirrels get to the bird seed long before the birds even have a chance.  We've planted some flowers in pots and every other day or so I let the boys water our new friends with their little watering can. Avett loves grabbing a handful of dirt as he passes by the plants shaking his head and saying, "no- no."  Every time we leave the house the boys go through the rock pile I've had them leave at the front door.  They want to bring "rock-o" with us wherever we go.  I find rocks hidden all over the house.

I love being a mom to these boys.  They are wild and crazy and so much fun to be around.  They are so loving and so good natured.  I wish I were a better writer, so that I could accurately describe the love I feel for them.  But it's unlike anything I've ever felt before.  It fills every part of my heart to have them near me and literally brings tears to my eyes when I see them light up.  When they run to me, excited to tell me a story.  When the baby brings me a book or a puzzle and plops his little body down on my lap.  When I see them playing together- laughing at one another.  I look at them and I see what life is all about.  They teach me of love and of humility and of patience.  They teach me to be kind and selfless when I'm really really tired and would rather just go back to bed.  They teach me about the world around us, so beautiful and so great.  For me, many things made sense once I first held my child in my arms.  I knew these boys were mine and I knew I must have done something right somewhere along the way to deserve such a privilege.  For they truly are my light and my saving grace.  I am so grateful for the way they continually change me.  For the way I continue to become something better because of these rascals.

I love you, boys.  Don't ever forget it.  Please stop growing like weeds.

Hello, Monday.

I'm trying harder to like Mondays, but it's not happening.  Around here, our weeks are centered around daddy's work schedule.  Griff is on top of it.  He knows dad is home on the weekend and he knows Friday is the start of all the fun.  Sunday night is usually rough, as he knows Chad will likely be gone before we all wake up.  Lately the little turkey has been making his way to our bed in the middle of the night.  He wants to hang out with dad.  and, we let him.  Because, he's 2 and our time together is just too short.  Monday usually consists of many tantrums, time outs and plenty of tears as we adjust back to the week day schedule.  The boys are on opposite nap schedules right now and so leaving the house for any period of time is difficult.  Someone is always cranky.

I love taking photos of my boys.  I love that I have the time to be with them and play with them everyday.  I love when Griff says "mama, mama come with me" and pulls me by the hand.  I love when Avey climbs in his red car, beeps the horn and looks at me with a huge proud smile.  He doesn't walk yet at 14 months, but he climbs in and out of that car like nobody's business. They grow up so darn fast.  Here is what our apartment looks like on a typical weekday- a mess, a beautiful mess.  There are toys everywhere and as much as I try to contain the clutter, our living room is more like a wreck room.  It's a real home and I'm so grateful for it.

love, us.

Super Bowl Sunday, park day.

I just adore these photos.  The sunshine was so gorgeous today.  This is us most weekends lately, when it isn't too cold outside.  We go to the park.  The boys are at such a cute age (2 and a half & 14 months) where they love to climb, slide and run and so the park is a perfect place for us to be.  I love when we get out of the house, period.  Chad has started his level two rotations and is finding himself very busy most days during the week.  but he loves it.  I love that he comes home with a smile on his face, eager to tell me about the day's victories.  The stress of testing and the classroom is gone and the excitement of applying what he has learned is here.  I'm so, so glad.

Avett has started talking.  He says ball, book, cheese, cracker, baba, elmo, poo poo and can point to his head, belly and mouth when asked.  I'm not positive but I think he outweighs Griff now.  A isn't walking yet but I'm sure he will soon, once he knows he can.  he walks with me while I hold his hand and he pushes his cart around the living room.  he climbs stairs like a maniac and whines like nobody's business.  He loves giving kisses, open mouth… watch out!  Griff is really into his guitar (uke) right now and gives concerts several times a day.  He loves baseball and hitting off of his tee.  I swear it's just a matter of time before he swings that bat at his brother's head.  or hits a line drive at me when I'm not looking.  Griff is quite the talker.  He always has a funny explanation for everything.  He's very independent during the day and must do everything himself.  His dad is his best friend.

This week we had an ice storm.  It was 30 something degrees, rainy and we even got snow one day.  The entire city closed down for about 48 hours and it was kinda fun- pretending that we had some real winter weather around here.  I'm really enjoying my break from school this semester.  Toward the end of last semester I darn near gave myself a heart attack trying to go to school, take care of chad during Menengitis and take care of my boys.  I decided to graduate from Weber and focus more of my time on the boys.  They will only be this little for so long.  and I don't want to miss it.  I've had more time to play with them and more time to enjoy Charleston.  plus, my house is cleaner.  sweet.


Happy February!
Love, us.

Avett's 1st birthday.

The baby had a birthday.  This year, it fell on Thanksgiving Day.  Words don't adequately express it, but we have so much to be thankful for.  While we were in the middle of Chad's viral meningitis attack, it was nice to think about something else all day.  Grandma Lana was here helping with the kids while Chad rested, and I finished my semester.  A didn't love eating his cake, but my kids have never cared much for sugar.  Until our pediatrician had to go and put a sucker bucket by the door.  "Orange sucker" is now part of our daily conversation.

I deffinately am having a hard time letting this one grow up.  I know I probably said that about Griffin too, but gosh.  It doesn't get any easier.

Avett claps when we say "yay", rocks back and forth when he hears music, shakes his head no for no apparent reason other than cuteness, uses his baby sign language, and waves hi with both hands at once.  A two handed wave is out of this world adorable.

This baby is my reader.  he prefers to read alone, I just slow him down.

I miss nursing him.  He only misses it when he needs comfort.  It's been a deeply difficult experience letting that part of us change.

I miss sleeping with him early in the mornings, before anyone else was awake.

He is starting to want his dada more and more.  Which means, less of me.  It is nice to see them finally developing their bond and it's hard not being his only go-to.

I really do feel like I'm blessed beyond measure.  My kids are kind-hearted rockstars and my husband is as solid as they come.  Lately at night he's been telling me how he's the luckiest dad to go to bed knowing he has the best family in the world.  Our life is simple, busy and exhausting.  We live in a paradise where the weather is amazing, the water is nearby, the people are friendly and we have exactly what we need.  And, now that we are starting to feel settled, Chad's schooling is coming to an end.  We do not know yet where a job may lead us.  But, come August, we may be experiencing more radical shifts.

Happy Birthday, baby Avey.

Love, us.

my second baby turned 10 months.

my baby boy turned 10 months.  It feels like time has slipped away again and here I am now, wondering where it all went.  this is my baby, and I'm never ready for them to grow up.  while watching them develop is the greatest and so much fun, a part of me is saddened by the reality that this baby is (soon to be) no longer a baby.  I'm not ready, not yet.  these past 10 months have been rough on us, all of us.  thank goodness most of what these babies require is attention and love.  love, i have plenty to give.

avett, i am in love with you and your little personality.  sweet and stubborn, stubborn as can be.  you and i, we wrestle most of the day when changing a diaper or when trying to dress you.  you HATE clothes and would be happy to crawl around in a diaper all day.  you are strong.   If a situation doesn't tickle your fancy, you know how to wiggle and muscle your way out of it.  you are a baby that knows exactly what he wants and will find a way to get it.  After a month of the army scoot which we've all come to love, you now crawl on hands and knees as the preferred method of mobility.  you love to pull yourself up to standing and cruise.  just yesterday you were standing on your own, mid air for a few seconds and had forgotten that you let go of dad.  we don't see much caution or hesitation from you, ever.  except- when I turn on the vacuum.  The vacuum, is not your friend.

you eat a ton!  I've never seen a baby consume so much food so quickly.  We are working more and more on finger foods, although you still love your baby purees- i think anything green is your favorite.  sweet peas, green beans, sweet potato, squash, avocado or bananas.  Cheerios are a huge staple, along with any of the crunchy, overpriced baby snack foods.  you won't take a bottle or sippy cup and still prefer to nurse morning, noon and night.  i look forward to those moments, no matter how tired or worn out the day has made us.  I dare say, you are a mama's boy and i love it.

those teeth of yours are monsters and have been keeping us awake at night.  at 10 months you have your two bottom front teeth and one top tooth just made an appearance today.  Sleep has been much better this month than the last few.  in general- you go down willingly for two naps during the day and sleep from 8pm until 7am.  you are very keen on your sleep schedule and do not like breaking routine.

you love padi-cake and will clap and sing on your own.  you will laugh hysterically if thrown up into the air.  you love to read and i often catch you turning pages all by yourself.  it really is the greatest when that happens.  you love being outside and taking walks, and like your brother, you seem to be at ease in nature.  you adore your big brother griffin.  anything he is doing, you want to do or be a part of.  when daddy comes home in the evening, the three of you wrestle on the floor and laugh and play.

i love how you have been such a blessing to our family.  the first few months were anything but easy and it has not been without a lot of extra work- but we would not be the same without YOU and your little spirit bouncing around.  I am so grateful that you came to us, that you changed us.  i see so much strength and love in your little eyes.  I am so so glad to be a part of your journey, that I have been entrusted to care for you and that I get to watch you grow.  I'm so thankful to have such a hard working husband who understands and makes it possible for me to be with you every day.  He loves you too, more than you'll ever know.  You are capable of amazing things, baby boy.  always use your strength to do good and to take care of others.  we will always be here for you, loving you and cheering you on.

love, mama.

avett @ 9 months.

on going crazy & things i'm learning with 2 kids.

you can find this cute print here via kikicoming.com

some things just don't get done.  like showers, makeup, hair, adequate rest and so forth.  most days if we are leaving the house, i hide under my great big dark sunglasses, throw on an easy to wear maxi dress and call it good.  my husband says he likes this "earthy" look and that i'm beautiful.  what a sweetheart.

one has to make time for herself or the whole thing falls apart.  its been an important discovery that there will never be enough time for everything.  there just isn't enough.  sometimes, its ok to be a little selfish and go to yoga.  my husband has always said, if you don't take care of you, you're no good to anyone else.  he's so full of wisdom, that chad.

you will most likely find me changing a diaper or feeding a baby.  i do it all day long.  and in the midst of tantrums from my 2 year old and the baby screaming for more attention, i find myself going just a little bit crazy.  don't you?  that point where you need to hit the reset button and start the day over.  or, when you wish the day would just end so you can start new tomorrow?  it happens!  and i just need reminders like this cute print i found one day when i really needed it.

um but hello, blessing.  Griff decided to potty train himself.  have i told you yet?  my bearly 2 year old boy wanted elmo undies.  so we bought the undies, the potty book, elmo dvd, etc.  and i'm thinking, great this is going to be horrid for the next 6 months to a year- because boys never potty train until like 3 or 4.  GRIFF IS POTTY TRAINED.  except for naps and nighttime, but does that really count?  with little hesitation, he just taught himself.  granted the first day or two chad or myself took turns on the bathroom floor, waiting and waiting and praising and clapping.  but he did it.  my smart little dude knows exactly where to go potty and he knows he needs to let us know when he has to go potty.  he looks at me with this big huge grin and every time, "look mama, i go potty!  i go potty!"  and then afterwards has to find everyone else in the house to tell them he successfully went potty.

sometimes, you have to just smile and laugh.  because, last week i had one of those crazy days.  the 8th day in a row that we had been couped up sick in our apartment.  first griffin with a feverish croupy cough, then mom, then avett.  there was no lack of snot in this house.  gross.  i decided to avoid the crazy that morning and we found ourselves at the local target, wandering the isles- as one does to kill time before naps.  i've had my eyes on a cute pair of fakey suede booties for fall (which are now sold out because i waited too long) that i thought i might purchase, you know to ease the crazy.  we left the store early because avett learned how to wiggle his way out of the seat-belted cart and his older brother pulled every pair of shoes out of the box to try them on.  under normal circumstances this would have maybe been adorable, but not on a day like that day.  tantrums arose as soon as we hit the home decor isle and so i decided it was time to leave.  one boy being carried out on my hip screaming and the other being bribed with my iphone.  they have a free pbs kids app, did you know?  great parenting.

and then at home in the late afternoon, just when i'm quite sure i can't hold a crying babe any longer- daddy comes home early to watch the boys so i can study for my chemistry exam tomorrow (the fun never ends). And, nobody cries when daddy is home, wouldn't you know it.

love, us.