Sunday, May 25, 2014

The Princess and the Sheriff.

Here we have Princess Sophia and Sheriff Woody.  Heaven forbid the sheriff has to wash his uniform.  That gets interesting.  And I'll cherish these days forever.  When Woody jammies and bubbles were enough to make the world seem absolutely perfect.

*Sheriff Woody jammies appear ℅ Aunt Shelby.  Thanks Shib!  Never has he loved anything more.  Except for maybe the Buzz pair.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

When your husband has Meningitis…part two.

If I'm being honest, I haven't had the strength to write part two yet.  It is long overdue, I admit.  The emotional toll that this period of time has taken on our family is no small amount.  Thinking about my husband and how challenging this was and is, I land smack dab in yet another anxiety spell and then avoid the thing all together.  That's right, I sweep my issues under a rug.  Because facing them has been too scary and too lonely.  But I'm finally sleeping again.  I'm finally trying to take care of myself- something I forgot to do somewhere along the way.  Isn't it funny how moms and dads forget things like that?  It's a hard line to walk, taking care of yourself and everyone else too all the while being patient and loving.  It takes a lot of chocolate and a lot of yoga for me to stay present when I'm on my last leg. The job doesn't stop at the end of a long day or even on the weekends. Moms and dads…you truly are my heroes.

As Chad and I drove home from the brain scan that evening, his doctor called with results.  There were no abnormalities.  He hadn't had a stroke and there was no tumor.   It was good news, the best possible scenario we could have hoped for really.  She told him to be at the hospital the next morning for a spinal tap test, where fluid would be drained- relieving some of the pressure from chad's head and giving us a sample to send to the lab for more testing.  I think I was numb from fear at this point and completely unaware of the range of emotions I was going through.  I had prepared myself to hear the words "cancer" or "brain tumor".  But we still didn't know what was wrong with Chad. That scared me more than anything.  The not knowing and the waiting helplessly.

That same evening I couldn't sleep.  I laid in bed awake while the rest of the house was quiet and asleep.  I began to shake.  My hands, arms, legs and face all started to tingle until finally they went numb and I felt like I was literally suffocating.  I hated myself for having a reaction like this when chad was the one that was sick.  Chad was the one who needed me and here I was falling apart.  Why couldn't I keep it together for my family who desperately needed me now?  I have always been far too hard on myself.  Chad knew I was having a panic attack and tried coaching me through it, but no amount of help could stop my fear from coming.  I'm pretty sure this is what we call a nervous break down.  And that's exactly how it felt. 

Thank you Danielle for driving in the middle of the night- to stay with my babies while I was falling apart.  I'll never forget your kindness and willingness to help us.

We got about three hours of sleep that night and chad drove himself to his procedure the next morning. He was on his back for the remainder of the day per doctors orders, although he felt surprisingly better having less pressure from his spinal fluid.  It was the best I had seen him since the night his symptoms began.  By the end of the day we had a diagnosis.  Viral Meningitis.  His spinal pressure levels had been severely elevated, there was way more fluid than normal.  No specific treatment was to be done but thankfully, Chad would recover on his own.  That was such wonderful news- that he would get through this.  That we all would.  Up until this point, I really didn't know if that would happen.

Due to the intense stress Chad was under while trying to finish up school and juggle his time at home, he wasn't able to properly fight off this infection to begin with.  It would take some time to work through his body before he felt completely healed.  He would need another spinal tap within the next week to help relieve more pressure.  His doctor gave us a time period of about six weeks until most symptoms would disappear, but that Chad would feel the lingering weakness and fatigue for the next year.  Now, he needed rest and lots of it.

While our families were both very kind and supportive of our situation, there was only so much they could do for us from so far away.  After my own episode, I realized I was going to need additional help if we were going to get Chad well- and if both of us were to finish our semesters of school.  With three weeks left before finals, I honestly did not know how it would all come together.  I was prepared to do what I could with my schooling and be okay with the rest. By some small miracle, Chad's mom was able to fly out to be with us for a whole week.  I don't remember much about that week she was here.  But I do remember feeling like she was our angel who helped pull us through the mess.  I finished my assigned work for Chemistry and took my final exam.  My grade did not suffer, and Chad was able to complete all of his end of semester tasks.  The MUSC faculty was very kind and sensitive to his situation as were his peers who helped to bring meals to us.

Thank you does not seem like enough to say to our family and friends who helped us through this time.  I dare say, it was one of the most intense and difficult experiences I have ever been through.  I will never forget how humbling it was to realize how much I needed help.  I could not do it alone no matter how much I willed myself.  There were many long days of caring for my sick husband and making sure he was where he needed to be, while juggling the needs of my two littles.  There were many tearful moments of worry and pure exhaustion.  I am so grateful chad was healed.  I know that we were watched over and protected through this time.  There were many angels sent to be with us.

What a blessing my family is to me.  I want my husband to know I love him.  I want him to know that I still choose him.  Even on our hardest days, I would do it all again- the exact same way.  I want my babies to know I would do anything for them, for their happiness.  I hope they learn about strength, love and kindness from watching their dad. He is the greatest example I could ever give to them.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Griff Says.

A few months ago, I started writing down the funny things that Griff says.  He's just so funny and so clever, the kid is only 2.  I don't know where he learns this stuff.  The little mannerisms he gives me are the best part.  I laugh every time.

One early morning as I'm stumbling down the stairs exhausted, he looks right at me and says, "mama, you go back to bed?"
"Mama, I hear that birdie.  He go twee twee twee."
"Oh!  My socca ball!  I kick, I gonna show you mama."
"Uncle buddy, he play hap ball (football).  He go hut, hut, hut."
"Ashee, come here!"
"I tell you mama, I tell you."  Trying to say I told you.
"I need snack.  Have cheese.  Salsa too."
"Ouch, bonk headie."
After Avett clearly tooted, Mom: "Everybody toots sometimes."  Griff: "And diarrhea."
Mom: "I get so tired sometimes." Griff: "You take break?"
"You ready mama, to roll?"  Said as we are getting ready to leave the house.
"I got my moves."  Said as we're dancing.
Griff: "I need some mintees."  Mom: "Mints?"  G: "Yes, mints."
"I ride a horse, Avett ride a horse, mama ride a horse, dada ride a pig."
"You wanna piece of me?" Quoting Toy Story.
Griff: "Mama, I got some boogers." Mom: "Do you want me to get you a tissue?" G: "No, dada do it after work." It was only 9am.
"Woah there cowboy."
"Mama, you're a great baby-sitter."
Mom: "Do you know why you were in time out?" Griff: He will always come up with some wild story and then default to, "well, because I not listen to you."  He's not entirely wrong here.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Growing like Weeds & My Feelings on Mother's Day.

Griff is extremely proud of his yellow and orange birdhouse he and daddy made together.  Every morning at the breakfast table he asks, "any birds move in yet?"  The squirrels get to the bird seed long before the birds even have a chance.  We've planted some flowers in pots and every other day or so I let the boys water our new friends with their little watering can. Avett loves grabbing a handful of dirt as he passes by the plants shaking his head and saying, "no- no."  Every time we leave the house the boys go through the rock pile I've had them leave at the front door.  They want to bring "rock-o" with us wherever we go.  I find rocks hidden all over the house.

I love being a mom to these boys.  They are wild and crazy and so much fun to be around.  They are so loving and so good natured.  I wish I were a better writer, so that I could accurately describe the love I feel for them.  But it's unlike anything I've ever felt before.  It fills every part of my heart to have them near me and literally brings tears to my eyes when I see them light up.  When they run to me, excited to tell me a story.  When the baby brings me a book or a puzzle and plops his little body down on my lap.  When I see them playing together- laughing at one another.  I look at them and I see what life is all about.  They teach me of love and of humility and of patience.  They teach me to be kind and selfless when I'm really really tired and would rather just go back to bed.  They teach me about the world around us, so beautiful and so great.  For me, many things made sense once I first held my child in my arms.  I knew these boys were mine and I knew I must have done something right somewhere along the way to deserve such a privilege.  For they truly are my light and my saving grace.  I am so grateful for the way they continually change me.  For the way I continue to become something better because of these rascals.

I love you, boys.  Don't ever forget it.  Please stop growing like weeds.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Goodbyes are the Worst.

The boys were up at 7am, bless their hearts.  Uncle Buddy and aunt Coco left early yesterday morning before the sun came up.  Griff was terribly sad upon waking to find out.  Even though we had discussed it and said our goodbyes the night before.  My heart hurt as G searched the empty house just to be sure they had gone.  This morning over breakfast Griff begged to watch the video Eric had made for us.  We watched it over and over at his request and the boys laughed each time they saw themselves on the screen.  The second or third time around I couldn't help but tear up.  I am so grateful family came to stay.  I'm so glad they love my kids and are attentive to them.  My brother has grown into such an awesome person and I can't wait for him to become a dad.

Thanks for the visit you two, i mean three!

Monday, May 5, 2014

A Little Film by my Little Brother.

My brother and his wife have been here visiting this week and boy has it been a blast!  We've been all over Charleston showing them the sights and taking in more beach.  Give me more beach.  Apparently, my brother has a talent with that little Gopro camera of his.  He shot snippets of us all week and I hardly would have imagined this cute film would come together so beautifully.  I love how he put music to it and used Griffin's favorite song of all time.  Thank you so much bud!  We are so glad family could be in town today for Chad's 39th birthday.  Happy birthday to my hubby!!!

Sunday, May 4, 2014

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